Self-improvement habits used to feel like setting my phone alarm for 5 a.m. knowing damn well I’d smash snooze until 8:47.
I’m writing this right now at like 2:41 pm on a random Monday in my apartment somewhere in the US, there’s half a cold brew sweating on the coaster that’s actually just an old CD case because coasters are for people with their life together. The radiator is making that clicking sound it always does when it’s trying to decide whether to heat the place or just mock me. And yeah—I’m finally at a spot where “working on myself” isn’t just performative Instagram-caption energy. It’s… happening. Sort of. With a lot of asterisks.
Here’s the unfiltered chaotic timeline of how I stopped being the guy who buys a new journal every January and actually started building self-improvement habits that (mostly) don’t evaporate.
Why Almost Every Self-Improvement Attempt I Ever Tried Blew Up in My Face
I used to go full send. New Year = New Me 2.0. Bullet journal with washi tape, Notion templates I spent three days designing, $14 cold-press juices, the works.Week 1: unstoppable. Week 2: excuses start creeping in. Week 3: the journal is now a fancy place to write “I hate everything” in the margins.
Biggest mistake? Thinking motivation was the fuel. Motivation is actually more like the sparkler you get at 4th of July—it looks cool for 90 seconds then burns your fingers and dies.
James Clear basically held my hand through this realization in Atomic Habits (still the best $15 I ever spent → https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits). The line that haunts me: “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
My systems were trash. Just vibes, shame, and a $97 Notion course I never finished.
The Stuff That Actually Started Turning Self-Improvement Habits Into Something Lifelong
1. I finally accepted I can only change like… one-point-five things at a time
Used to make The Mega List:
- 5 a.m. wake up
- 20 min meditation
- 10k steps
- read nonfiction
- no phone after 9 pm
- journal
- stretch
- drink 3L water
Day 5 I was crying in the shower because I forgot to drink water and also who has time to meditate when you’re already failing at life.
Now I pick literally one stupid-easy version. Current one: leave running shoes by the front door so I literally trip over them when I get home from work. That’s the whole habit. No mileage goal. No Strava. Just shoes in the walkway like a passive-aggressive reminder from past-me.
Half the time I end up walking the block. Sometimes more. Sometimes I just move them and feel morally superior for 30 seconds. Either way it’s progress.
2. I started gluing baby habits onto stuff I already do every day without thinking
I make coffee like it’s a religious sacrament every morning.
While the machine is gurgling → I now do ten pushups + ten squats. Takes 70 seconds. Coffee done = workout done. Brain goes “we earned this caffeine, king.”
Nighttime: while brushing teeth → single-leg balance for 20 seconds each side because my ankles are garbage and I’m old now.
Already brushing teeth anyway. Why not steal 40 seconds for future-me?
3. I replaced “motivation” worship with ugly consistency
Motivation is a flaky Tinder match. Consistency is the friend who still texts you “u up?” at 2 a.m. even when you’re being annoying.
I bought a $3.99 wall calendar from Rite Aid. Sharpie nearby. Every day I do anything even vaguely self-improvement flavored—two pushups, one page of a book, drank water before coffee—I slap a giant red X on it.
The chain is stupidly powerful. Breaking it feels worse than just doing the two pushups.
4. I gave myself official permission to be mediocre as hell
This felt like cheating for months.
Some days I’m fried. Work was soul-crushing. Kid screamed for 45 minutes straight about the wrong color spoon. Twitter made me want to delete humanity.
Old me: “I failed. Zero progress. Might as well eat nachos and hate myself.”
New me: “Today’s version is literally standing up and stretching for 60 seconds while the microwave beeps. Still counts.”
Lowering the bar so low it’s basically on the floor… weirdly makes me clear the bar more often.
The Not-Sexy Reality of Lifelong Self-Improvement
Most days are boring. Nothing dramatic happens. No montage. No epiphany soundtrack.
But after stumbling through this on-and-off for like 15 months now:
- clothes fit better without me obsessing
- I finish arguments without turning into a toddler
- I’ve read like 14 books all the way through instead of 38%
- I don’t hate looking in mirrors as much
Not glamorous. Not TikTok-worthy. Just… quieter chaos.
So yeah… you probably
Pick the dumbest, smallest, most pathetic version of one single thing you want to get better at.
Glue it to something you already do automatically.
Buy a cheap calendar and deface it with red marker.
Give yourself permission to suck at it magnificently.
That’s genuinely all I got after years of failing louder than most people.
I’m about to go move those damn running shoes closer to the door before future-me talks himself out of it again tomorrow.
